Meet The Mighty Sugar3
His legendary status precedes himself everywhere he goes. He is the Galactic Galactose, repeller of the monosacchreligious. He is the Maltose Falcon, able to repel the Fat Man’s giant hands with the strength of 5oo energy shots. His dextrose dexterity is only rivaled by the Immutable Insul Incan, his greatest foe.
The origins of Sugar3 are a great mystery. The mystics say he was born of the unholy union of the gods Peppy Seal and Coca Koala after they chanced upon each other in a drug induced haze during the tumultuous 60’s when love and wanton lust filled the air. The conspiracists say he is the byproduct of an experiment gone awry at the genetic splicing division of C&H Pure Cane Sugar. We can only speculate. No matter where his humble beginnings lie, he is the diminutive hero we deserve, but not the one we need right now for the evil machinations of Insul Incan have painted Sugar3 as the face of diabetic destruction, spreading vile lies up and down the land. Self-loathing local authorities track and call him the Tiny Scourge of Waistlines, but secretly they know it is their own copious intake of doughy substances and lack of willpower that they truly abhor.
Despite the dangers to himself, Sugar3, remains ever vigilant as the defender of boxes, portmanteaus and all things cubed. He has given the muted voices of all slave cartons the courage to stand tall and proud. No longer shall the cardboard culture be used by their masters for short shipments and then tossed aside without a second thought. No longer shall the lives of young coffers be cut short and ravaged by Insul Incan’s Repsychlers. A hero walks among us and though he may be miniscule, the tales of his exploits are brobdingnagian. Yes, that is a word fully endorsed by Sugar3 for he believes in the power of diction and articulation.
Stay tuned for the further adventures of Sugar3!
– Silly Rabbit, kids are for tricks.