Truth In Love

Sentimental Heart Breaking

I have always had to honor the open truth in any artful endeavor I set myself upon. At some point, all artists have to bear their crosses openly for all to see. It is a defining trait that makes us misunderstood, feared, and yet admired. Most people spend their lives hiding from inner truths. Artists have to make their stand against their deepest selves and tap this reservoir for inspiration. Life is not a bowl of roses. It is a contradiction of ups, downs, diagonals, slantways…

Sometimes I get sentimental working on this book of mine. It’s hard to avoid when I’m spending a great deal of time alone with only my thoughts for good company. I drift in and out of my memories in my daily musings and once in a while a song or something trifling triggers a lonesome regret or loss from deep in the buried corners of my heart. Sadness washes over me in these moments and I lose focus on what I’m doing as my mind travels the bottomless snippets of melancholy and hurt that I’ve never really let go, only filed away. I don’t know if these sad trappings ever really go away. They are there, sometimes as inspiration, sometimes as my nemesis. Once in a while, these moments paralyze me and I lose complete will for anything. As always, I catch myself from falling further and snap back to the current moment.

To purge these memories would be to blank out the building blocks of who I am now and my motivations for what I do which seem to contrast and work against what I am slowly becoming: doorway. I don’t know if I can ever reconcile the two without leaving one. What I do know is that my love is the troublesome kind. It is my weight. It is my cloud. It is my truth.

I know this is cryptic, but all will be revealed in BOX.

heavy heart

When I look in your eyes, I see the wisdom of the world in your eyes
I see the sadness of a thousand goodbyes
When I look in your eyes

And it is no surprise, to see the softness of the moon in your eyes
The gentle sparkle of the stars in your eyes
When I look in your eyes

In your eyes, I see the deepness of the sea
I see the deepness of the love
The love I feel you feel for me

Autumn comes, summer dies
I see the passing of the years in your eyes
And when we part there will be no tears no goodbyes
I’ll just look into your eyes

Those eyes, so wise
So warm, so real
How I love the world, your eyes reveal

– When I Look In Your Eyes written by Leslie Bricusse, performed by Diana Krall

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