My friend Joanna recently introduced me to a book: Butterfly Tears – Stories of Entrapment to Empowerment. She asked me to give it a read and to write about it and the organization involved with producing it: Pathways to Independence. I’ve been agonizing over this post for some time. First because it was a deeply affecting book at an emotional level. I found myself reading it in spurts because the subject matter is not light fare and takes time to process. Secondly, I needed to find a way to make it work for this blog project of mine. I didn’t simply want to do a book review. I’ve instead decided to share with you the essence of the 9 women who courageously share their stories of strife and triumph: Kaysie, Paige, Ashley, Lin, Sara, Annie, Veronica, Kimberly and PepperFanne. They are my incredible #9.
When many of us think of courage we think of heroic acts or great acts of sacrifice. We hear, through the media, stories of perseverance light, but seldom do we hear the true raw stories of trauma and heartbreak that an incredible number of people suffer through each day. It takes a different level of quiet courage to face and overcome what these 9 women lived through. Reading their stories brought back a flood of memories from my own violent upbringing and yet, what I went through can’t compare with the level of trauma they suffered and overcame. These are stories of great physical and mental violence and abuse. Stories of incest and rape. Stories of damaging drug and alcohol use to escape the pain. Stories of the absence of self love. These are also stories of great triumph and the glory of self empowerment. Stories of beautiful minds and hearts. Stories of healing.
Imagine a life of rape by your father and looking to the stars for God to one day whisk you away from the pain. You realize this will not happen and turn your hatred upon all you ever hoped was good and just. You turn your hatred upon yourself.
Imagine a life where your mother reminds you day in and day out that you were an accident and unwanted. You are beaten and abused because you are not considered worthy of love. You believe her.
Imagine a life with an alcoholic father and absentee mother and not having the support system or guidance needed in your formative years. You fall into the same pattern of alcoholism and self-destruction. You deny recognition of your problem.
Imagine a life of being beaten and unloved because you are considered by your own father a 2nd class citizen to the family dog. Being beaten and told that you are not his child simply because you don’t share his last name, yet share his blood. You consider yourself worthless.
Imagine a life with 2 drug addled parents who are shiftless and one day moving into your father’s friend’s house to encounter evil and depravity beyond anything a child can imagine. To live in the house of a pedophile and be forced to perform incest with your brother. You wish to die.
Yet, imagine being able to wake up one day and take those initial steps towards healing from the brink of emptiness and heart death. To break the endless cycle of your life and discover a new and better way to live. To realize that you do have self-worth and deserve love and understanding. To be able to do this against all odds and percentages against you succeeding. What courage this must take.
I’ve had time to absorb their stories and I realize that they speak for all women who share a common thread of traumatic upbringing. They speak on the behalf of all women who can’t find a way out and need a guiding light to show the possibility in loving oneself and taking the first steps to rise above self-destruction.
Pathways to Independence, run by Dave Bishop, provided this guiding light and the necessary support system for these 9 women and hundreds of others to rise and in turn they are now able to share their stories and shine a light for others to follow. The Pathways program provides an all encompassing support system: volunteer medical assistance, college assistance, job placement, housing assistance, volunteer mechanics, etc.
I can only hope that I do not lead a wasteful life so that I may honor these incredible 9 and all those like them.
Thank you for your stories. Thank you for your Butterfly Tears.
